[dejection alert-- read at own will]

i haven't been able to get out of a particularly bad art funk for almost 4 months now.
it's gotten to the point that [artistically] i don't know who i am anymore. i feel like i've become severed from all skill i had, and even the most basic things-- things that normally i don't even have to think about because they've become so ingrained-- pose a massive obstacle. like i've become detached from that part of myself that knows how to draw.

i can't tell what i'm looking at most of the time. i'll draw something, and some part will look wrong to me, but another looks right. so i fix the bit that looks wrong only to have coey tell me that i "fixed" what she thought looked good into something wrong, and kept the part that looked off from the get-go. and after putting these things away for a while and getting them out again the next day, she's right; what looked right to me at the time was completely off.

down to the basic way i work. nothing feels natural. can't function the way i used to. i used to rarely think about line weight, and the flow of things. they just came without notice. now i can't seem to obtain it even with great effort.

to the extent, i look at things i've done and feel like they aren't mine at all. that i didn't draw them. i'm that far removed from myself. disconnected from that part of me.
i'll look through sketchbooks and wonder 'how did i do this? did i do this?', then go through my current one and all it holds is mediocre bullshit. forced and uninspired. unexciting. flat.

i don't feel like i should be doing anything but working. shouldn't sleep, eat, play games, take a piss. just sit here and work. until i get it all back, until i'm better.

it's starting to feel like beating a dead horse. i've been making myself work regardless of discouragement and depression over art. taking advice from people i trust. redrawing old illustrations that still have good ideas, though the drawing skill's far behind what i can do now. i've taken requests from coey and other friends, even as far as to take thumbs from them and make full drawings off the thumbs.
even been taking breaks, don't draw for days. or all i'll do is little doodles/chibi-stickers that don't take much thought or effort. and don't amount to shit.

the point being, i don't know when i'll be posting again. i'm sure i will, return to normal. or at least i hope. i'll never stop drawing. couldn't if i wanted to. but i don't know if i will ever have anything worth sharing again. even things i've been working on for a while and have some fondness for.

KAY.
sketch junk from july.
i had a few others, but the camera said no.

.

.

.

.

I HAVE SOME SKETCHES COMING UP SOON
i swear.

[hmm]

[shy shouldn't touch colour :D]

hmmmm so. the balance of the red. it's a bit overwhelming the main focus, but when i tried to put a little bit of red behind the figures [striped pillows n such] it got really cluttered and hard to read x.x suggestions?



ps-- the drawing isn't done either, there's still a few things to finish like the foot and arm, etc.

[I'M LATE D:]

not much to show, BUT--


uhhhhh. yup. co wanted a pic of old king emri in his coffin. uuummmm yup. totally doesn't look like a dignified farmer.
yeah, that one needs some work.



BAD SCAN AWESOME :D
i like her hair. and neck-chest area. that jawline tho-- will fix.
and scan better >_____>



"SMOKER--" [puff sound of zoey killing it for me as it drags my black ass off into the distance]
hmmmmmm might finish this? we'lll seeeeee

i'll put more later. right now i'm bored :D
as always, better stuff at shysuiko-NET.

[i has stuff]

so, i do have a few things that i've been meaning to put up here for a while now, just been lazy bout it. iiiii'llz be doing that tonight. souls is coming over here soon so i'll be busy entertaining and shooting up stuff on left4dead. and by shooting up i mean both zombies and feeding my pillz addiction. HAHA JOKE-- gf get out of my head.

uhhhh, yeah.

hah--

i suppose i made this, so i should actually use it.

more fig work i'd like to make into some form of final.


obscure part of a full illust i like... a lot.


early stages of a long and painful pic.

sketch junko

this turned into the final 'star seeds' illust, but i still do like the raw drawing.

i'm working on more figure studies~ loff

this is something i've been working on off and on for a few months now-- started as a project for comic class, but it's far from finished and needs so much work it's rediculous. x_____x

HIIIIII

ALRIGHT. so.

i'm getting one of these really just more for fun? [shrugg] i like posting sketches and WiP's but not on DA or my personal site so--

this'll act as a 'whatever' posting ground. finals, sketches, whatever i feel comfortable in showing/wanting help on? sure.

all my other work can be seen at--
official // SITE
deviant // ART

for now~
few 'highlights'? >___>

...

...

...